March 18, 2005
Flashback: In a giving and sharing mood
Bear with me. I'm digging through old portfolios and files looking for something. And I keep stumbling upon stuff that I find humorous. Maybe you can make some use of it...June 3, 1998
In a giving and sharing mood
Diversity is entering its new fiscal year with attitude and confidence. The company has spent numerous hours devising a new customer relations program, examining its mission statement, reconfiguring its equity to shareholders formula, and bringing its corporate image in line with the new philosophy.
Now, Diversity’s management has come to a startling conclusion:
We need a cleansing... a superfluous appurtenance downsizing.
Our loss is your gain! Our boss is crazy! Everything must go! No credit needed, we offer merchandise to anyone the law allows. We haven’t lost our lease... but we must make room for new inventory.
YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. Simply respond to this email in the next 96 hours and you will win a fabulous prize... a piece of Diversity’s past.
- Show off your confidence with the infamous “No Problem” 9 X 12 envelopes (in white only). 27 count.
- The “limited edition” kitchen sink key chain with real running water sound. Batteries included.
- ViewMaster Super-Show Projector with 3 reels featuring that ever-popular Toy Story. And you thought PowerPoint was entertaining!
- Happy Fun Ball Multi-color Pen. Rick doesn’t leave the office without it. It’s the only pen to make it on Oprah’s Book Club. Need we say more?
- The commemorative roll of stickers documenting Diversity’s 20th anniversary (1974 to 1994). Handsomely boxed, self stick… a real piece of history here folks.
- You’ll never have network problems again, after you impress your IT department with this vintage J45 10-base T cable, 1 piece, 1 foot long in PMS 290 sheath.
- You deserve an award! Sales award trophy with solid brass (blank) plate. A handsome award by any sane person’s measure.
- Show your support for ballot measures that won years ago! Winning campaign yard signs, assorted.
- An autographed copy of the movie Speed. VHS format. (Losers receive Speed 2 and a party with the three remaining members of the Speed 2 Fan Club.)
- Protect your stuff with the “DO NOT BEND” stamp w/o ink pad. Disco era vintage. A rare find.
- Shark and Dolphin salt and pepper shakers with real flesh tearing and squealing sounds when used. Quaint, but still weird. A conversation piece for any lunchroom. (Quite frankly, they frighten us. We want them out of the office.)
- Deafula Souvenir Theatrical Program autographed by the director/star. Guaranteed authentic. Just don’t ask to see the film.
- Frog tie. Jovial and frisky green frogs (rumored to be cousins of the famous “Budweiser Frogs”) on a black background with frog pod prints tastefully varnished on the background. A must for beer parties. Imported silk. (Imported from Toledo, Ohio)
- Quasi-accurate Campus maps. Tektronix. Beaverton & Wilsonville. Some buildings not shown. Some buildings no longer present. Others owned by someone else.
- Doorway draft puppets. Hillary and Bill. They hang or spread. Indicted or not, both are priceless and guaranteed to bring big dollars in a few decades.
- Number your stuff! Ecton Automatic Numbering Machine Model 188, Numbering starts with 960138. There’s no turning back!
- And a lot more crap stuff merchandise.
Rules:
- Respond via e-mail that you wish to enter. If you wish to send your entry, use the blue envelope.
- You’ve already won.
- What more do you want to know? See rule 1
- We will deliver.
Flashback: In a giving and sharing mood
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