April 03, 2006
Coca-Cola Blak planning meeting
Coca-Cola Exec: I feel like wasting some money. And (and!) I want a grassroots media nightmare like Chevy has going with their Tahoe commercials.Coca-Cola VP: Let's create a new product that nobody wants.
Exec: I like your thinking. But I'll do you one better: Let's create a product targeted at 30-50 year olds that nobody wants.
VP: Brilliant. But, what product could we create?
Exec: How about C2?
VP: We already created that. What about coffee?
Exec: Tons of people love coffee.
VP: Not real coffee, silly. Coke coffee.
Exec: Didn't Pepsi try that?
VP: That was Pepsi coffee, not Coke coffee.
Exec: Don't people already drink coffee?
VP: Not fizzy pseudo-coffee. Fizzy pseudo-coffee will be hot.
Exec: I'm sold. What do we call it?
VP: I've got it. We'll call it "Coca-Cola Black."
Exec: Too many "C"s.
VP: Coca-Cola Blak?
Exec: Brilliant. But it needs to be suave and sophisticated to hit the demographic. Somewhere short of Just for Men and Viagra.
VP: Packaging will be a big challenge for that group. But I've got it. What do you think of when you think of coffee?
Exec: Starbucks?
VP: That's Pepsi.
Exec: Oh. Um, caffeine?
VP: Warm.
Exec: Brown?
VP: Warmer.
Exec: The restroom?
VP: Bingo. So, the bottle? It will have the stylish mottlings of fecal matter.
Exec: You lost me with your high-minded jibber-jabber.
VP: The bottle will be the color of a turd.
Exec: Now you're talking. That's memorable, sophisticated, and enticing. But I'm concerned, how can we make the launch into even more of a trainwreck?
VP: Make the URL impossible to remember and build the site entirely out of Flash so that people can't use search engines to find it?
Exec: That's playing by the book. Think outside the box.
VP: But there's more: your grassroots media conundrum. You see, if we don't optimize the site for search engines, then the only way people will find it is through blog entries.
Exec: I smell a Coke Blak bottle, here, you genius.
VP: And, I've got another idea... let's pitch the story of the entire, horribly wrong product development process to the Constitution. Like we went through a bunch of research to come up with this concept.
PR: Consider it done.
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Coca-Cola Blak planning meeting
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