hypocritical : talking the talk without walking the walk

July 27, 2007

Evaluating a career opportunity with The Empire

I've written, nay griped, about Monster spam on several occasions, most notably here and here.

But this one? This one seems like a legitimate opportunity for someone with my skill set.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Confidential Jobseeker,

In response to your posted resume, we would like for you to seriously consider sitting down and evaluating a career opportunity with The Empire.

Our industry growth has allowed us to now offer select Sales positions for quality personnel. We provide industry leading support and development with rapid advancement into Management positions.

We offer:

+ $60-$80K 1st year potential (No Experience)
+ $75-$150K 1st year potential (Management Experience)
+ Sales and Management bonuses
+ Stock ownership
+ Lifetime residual income with vesting after 2 years

Positions are available in Portland and your local area.
Interviews will be conducted by Sales Director Curt Denny.

Tuesday July 31st @ 1pm

Comfort Inn
8225 NE Wasco
Portland, OR 97220
503-408-8000 - for Directions ONLY

To reserve your interview, e-mail back the that above time and date works for you. Include a phone number in case a manager needs to contact you. We look forward to hearing from you.

Please bring a resume, be prompt and dress appropriately. We are looking for individuals who possess high integrity, strong work ethic and appreciate professional training.

To learn more about the products sold by The Empire, a local agency of Family Heritage, please review their website at http://www.FamilyHeritageLife.com.

Director of Recruiting


Sitting down and considering a job with the Empire? You're damn tootin' I'm thinking about it! The mind swims with reckless anticipation.

I mean, I'm sure there are a number of openings, among them:
  • Stormtrooper, first class
  • Tie-fighter pilot
  • Star Destroyer staring-at-blinking-lights warm-prop guy
  • Choking victim cleaner upper
  • Death Star clean up crew
  • Light-saber severed hand picker upper
But I wonder about dressing appropriately? Do I wear a cape? Should I cackle a lot? Do I say things like:
  • I find your lack of faith in my abilities disturbing.
  • I was going to buy some power converters at Toschi station, but I came here instead.
  • Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
  • No disintegrations! Well, without sufficient reimbursement, at least.
  • The Emperor does not share your optimism... but I do!
For so long, I've worked for the dark side. Now, my true calling has finally come! Thank you, Monster, and all of your spammy goodness! I won't forget this.

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Evaluating a career opportunity with The Empire

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July 24, 2007

Unfortunate public relations timing

Today, 365 Main fell victim to both a San Francisco power outage and unfortunate public relations timing. [Update: Wha? Where did it go? See below]

Of course, no one will remember this a week from now, so why I feel like calling attention to it is beyond me.

Sometimes, my desire to post is stronger than my desire to exercise editorial discretion.

(Additional schaden freude via Mashable ("Ironic Press Release Heaven") and Valleywag ("Great Moments in PR"))

[Update]

Okay, I kind of felt a little bad about posting this. Originally. But not now.

In a failed attempt at revisionist history, 365 Main has pulled today's release from its Web site. Of course, the release is already out on the wire and can be accessed here, RedEnvelope Reports Two Years of Continuous Uptime at 365 Main's San Francisco Data Center, or here.

While they're cleaning up, they might want to fix this, as well.

[Update for July 25, 2007]

Finally, a response from 365 Main about what happened during the San Francisco power outage.

Of course, all of this just leads me to ask, as the so-called "Web 2.0 host" and home to SixApart's hosted applications, don't you think maybe, just maybe, there might be a better way for 365 Main to stay in touch with their customers and target market? Maybe? Like, I don't know, say a blog?

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Unfortunate public relations timing

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July 06, 2007

How To: iPhone emulator

Want to send terse, typo-ridden emails to your colleagues, just like us schmucks who shelled out cash for the iPhone? This simple, but effective, iPhone emulator will have folks thinking you waited in line all day on June 29, 2007.

Here's how you do it:

  1. Open your email program
  2. Navigate to your settings
  3. Choose to edit your signature file
  4. Replace the existing signature with the following (spelling must be exact!):
    Sent from my iPhone
  5. Done!
What's that? iPhone not your cup-of-tea, but you still want to appear to be among the digerati? Try this simple Blackberry emulator:

  1. Open your email program
  2. Navigate to your settings
  3. Choose to edit your signature file
  4. Replace the existing signature with the following:
    Sent from my Blackberry
  5. Done!
Either way, gentle reader, you're soon to be basking in the glory of geekdom. Just don't ever run into these folks, whom you're emailing, in person.

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How To: iPhone emulator

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July 03, 2007

iPhone after the afterglow

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm extremely happy that I fell for all of the iHype about the Apple iPhone. And it is, without a doubt, more impressive than the first color Mac LCIII I owned, or my first iPod, or my MacBook Pro.

I mean, really, would you expect any less of me? Falling for all the hype and running out to buy one on the first day? I thought not. After all, I'm the guy who wants Apple everywhere, remember?

After all, I'm not the only one. Word around the campfire is that there were more iPhones sold in three days, than HD radios sold in last three years. Which reminds me... Oh wait. That's not this post. That's a story for another time.

Where were we? Oh yes.

After a few days of using it, there are a couple of foibles I've noticed. A few things that seem not-quite-there yet with this little technological marvel.

So, for those of you who took the plunge or for those of you who may, I thought I would list a couple of should-be, could-be requests. (Caveat: It's quite possible that these are things that I have been too stupid or uncool to find as of yet):
  1. Using the rest of the iPhone while on a call?
    Let's say you're chatting with someone and they say, "Are you available for lunch, next Thursday?" You're talking on an iPhone, so you give the requester a rather smug, "Let me check my schedule on my iPhone, on which I am speaking to you currently, forthwith." You go to check your schedule. What the...? No dice. You can navigate to contacts, start some conference calls, hang up. But no other functions while the call is active. Seems like I should be able to check my schedule while on a call, doesn't it? Watch a movie while I'm on a really boring call? Something?

    [Update July 17, 2007: Um, duh. Push the "home" button. Problem solved. Check that one off the list.]

  2. IM client?
    I know SMS is all the rage with the hip kids. But me? I kick it old school with IM. Why isn't iChat on this thing? Or at least something else? I could IM all day on my old Samsung, but not on my iPhone? Sniff sniff. And the iPhone has a better keyboard, so my IM messages would actually be intelligible. Unlike my previous phone, where I would send things like "wamt tm mddt md fmp a bddr?"

  3. iTunes?
    I would really, really, really like some iTunes on this bad boy. I mean, sure, it's an iPod. But why can't I run iTunes on this mother? If I had iTunes, I could listen to the music I'm sharing over my home wireless network. Just like a Walkman before they had tape players. Talk about old school. I mean, why download all the music when I just want to listen within wireless range? Better yet? When I'm wandering around my neighborhood, why not let other people browse the music sitting on my iPhone. I mean, in addition to me getting to obsess about "what kind of music I need to carry to seem uberhip," they would get to listen to my tunes, or vice versa. How cool would that be? You can't tell me this isn't on the road map. If it's not, it should be. Because if it's got iTunes, I could buy that music, right then and there, too. Hmmm. Interesting.

    [Update July 20, 2007: Hallelujah!]

Short list. I know. That's it. Those are the only complaints that come to mind, so far. I'm sure I'll come up with more, but the relationship is still young.

I mean, sure, a few iCal issues and whatnot, but that's not huge. And some other weirdness, here and there. But that's to be expected with new technology.

I'm still smitten.

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iPhone after the afterglow

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